#QUESTIONING THE STATUS QUO

[she-ra-ra-skirt]

Very informative post

Amatonormativity 101: What it is, and why it affects you

It’s pride month, so in the spirit of fighting for social equality, I’ve decided to make a post about a phenomenon that’s frighteningly widespread, yet rarely discussed outside of certain circles: Amatonormativity.

Originally coined by Arizona State University philosophy professor Elizabeth Brake, amatonormativity refers to the cultural assumption that:

Everyone wants/needs a committed, long-term, romantic (monogamous) relationship,

That such a relationship is absolutely necessary in order to lead a properly fulfilling life, and romance is essential to one’s happiness,

That aiming for such a goal should be a major priority in one’s life,

And that this relationship should be the most important, and all other types of relationships are inherently less valuable or less intense.

Some of you may be thinking, “Well, that’s ridiculous. I know romance isn’t more important than other relationships, and I know you don’t need romance to be happy. I don’t have any amatonormativity.” Or, some of you may be thinking, “Well, that makes sense to me. Romance is the most important thing in my life, and I’d never be happy without it.”

But the truth is, amatonormativity still exists and harms you, even if you fall into one of those categories. Amatonormativity is a societal value that’s deeply embedded in western culture, and no one is immune to it. Not even me, not even Professor Brake. There’s a lot of toxicity in it, and awareness of it is the first step to overcoming it and helping to break down these harmful values.

So, where do we see amatonormativity in everyday life? Let’s start with some hypothetical scenarios as examples. Although I’m drawing from real life, please keep in mind these are hypothetical, so when I say “you” in these examples, rest assured that I am not directly accusing you personally of anything.

You’re having dinner with your extended family for the first time in a while. A few of your relatives ask you if you’re dating anyone, and you say no. They respond in various ways, ranging from “Well hurry up, you’re not getting any younger!” to “Don’t give up! There’s plenty of fish in the sea.” Your relatives believe that you need a romantic relationship, and you need it as soon as possible.

You are openly gay. There is one other openly gay student at your school, and although you don’t necessarily have anything against this person per se, they’re not really your type; You have no desire to date them, and they seem to feel similarly about you. Despite this, your friends keep trying to hook you up with each other. Your friends are assuming that because you both experience the same type of attraction, that you must be interested in each other, and/or that you’d be happier dating this person than being single.

It’s February again, and you’re currently single, as you have been for the past few years. You worry that there’s something wrong with you, since clearly no one wants to date you. You have plenty of close friends and family who care about you, yes, but it’s not the same, is it? You feel ugly. You feel unlovable. Your best friend assures you that you’re not, but until someone starts dating you, you’re not sure you can believe that. You believe that your worth as a person is dependent on the presence of romance, and that other forms of love don’t really matter.

You’ve recently started watching a new TV show, an action-mystery with no romance in it as of yet. You really enjoy this show and are interested in hearing what other fans think, especially theories about the upcoming season finale. You join an online group for fans of this show, and to your surprise, the first thing everyone asks you is what your favorite ship is. The other fans are assuming that you must primarily be interested in any hypothetical romance in the show, or maybe even that the plot itself isn’t as interesting as romance.

You’ve just cut your hair short, something you’ve been wanting to do for a long time, and you’re very pleased with the results. Your mother, however, is distressed by this. She tells you, “You’ll never get a boyfriend with that haircut!” Your mother is more concerned with your potential for romance than with your own preferences for your body.

You and your best friend have known each other since you were young, and you’re very close. You know each other better than anyone, and tend to be quite physically affectionate with each other. People tend to assume you two are dating, and some may even refuse to believe that you’re not, insisting that it’s “so obvious” that you’re in love and that you should “just confess already”, even though you both know quite well that your feelings for each other- however intense they may be- are strictly platonic. The people around you are assuming that because your relationship is so close, it must be romantic, because no other relationship type can be as strong. Their belief in this is so strong that they think they know your own feelings better than you do.

You’re someone who enjoys an active sex life, and you find someone to hook up with. You both agree up front that this is a casual thing- No strings attached, no romance, no obligations, just a mutual interest in the activity itself. Despite this, after a few hookups, your sexual partner develops romantic feelings for you, and asks you to go out with them long-term. You say no, you don’t feel that way about them, and remind them of your agreement; Yet they get angry at you for this, blaming you for causing them to “catch feelings”, and say that you shouldn’t have started this relationship if you weren’t willing to possibly commit to something “more”. They spread nasty rumors about you, saying you’re a heartbreaker, a cold-hearted monster who used them for sex. Your sexual partner believes that their desire for romance should take precedence over any previously set boundaries, and that you are in the wrong for not doing what they want.

You and your best friend have been living together for several years, and intend to continue doing so indefinitely. You’re both working adults, but your friend has a significantly more secure job than you do, with better benefits. You both think it would be great if you could get insurance coverage under your friend’s employer, but because you’re neither a blood relative nor legal spouse of your friend, their insurance company won’t cover you- they can’t, as their policies don’t allow such a thing. If you were married, this wouldn’t be a problem. Non-romantic relationships are not extended the same protection and legal/financial benefits as romantic relationships.

Your favorite manga just ended after a long and successful run. It’s an action series with little romance, yet the epilogue shows every single main character to now be married, even to characters they’ve rarely spoken to or seem to have little chemistry with. The manga’s author- or perhaps their editor, either way- believes that the story cannot be complete without romance, even if said romance makes no sense or contributes little to the plot or characters.

See what I mean? Now, I’m not saying that romance as a concept is inherently bad. I know that to many people, romance is incredibly important, and that’s entirely understandable. For many people, their romance has historically been discriminated against, and continues to be in many ways. I am not trying to take romance away from you, nor shame you for it. But I do think that it’s important to recognize the harm that social values about romance can cause, to you and to others. 

If you’d like to start learning to recognize, and shut down, amatonormativity in your own life, try taking some time to reflect on the following topics:

How much does romance matter to you, and why does it matter that much? What aspects of romance do you genuinely, sincerely want? Might some of your experiences with romance be influenced by social pressure to live your life a certain way?

What assumptions do you make about others, and why? Should you really be making those assumptions?

Are you properly appreciating the non-romantic relationships in your life? Do you ever say things that might make your friends and family feel as if they’re not as important as your romantic partners, even if they don’t express this?

Do you use language that unconsciously places more value on romantic relationships than anything else? Do you use terms such as “just friends”, “better half”, “more than friends”, or “catching feelings”?

I hope that this post can help bring some awareness to the harm caused by amatonormativity, and help people better learn to recognize it- as well as fight back against it. By becoming aware of the value our society places on romance, and the insecurities it can cause us, we can better learn to love ourselves, our friends and families, and our lives, whether or not we choose to pursue romantic relationships.

[dukeofthomas]

I find the fact that the confrontation at the end of UTRH is often summarized as Jason asking Bruce to kill the Joker for him fascinating.

Because that's not what happened.

Jason holds a gun up to Joker's head, gives Bruce another, and tells him that if Bruce doesn't do something (shoot Jason), he will kill Joker.

Jason doesn't give the gun to Bruce so that he would shoot Joker. He isn't expecting Bruce to pull the trigger on the clown. He's asking Bruce to do nothing. To be inactive. Because that will still be a choice, and despite having done nothing, everybody clearly agrees that Bruce would still, at least in part, be responsible for Joker's death.

...And to me, this moment is a kind of- microcosm, of the rest of Jason's point. Because after being captured and carted off to Arkham, the villain will escape again, and will kill more people. The only way to truly prevent that from happening would be to kill them; Bruce refuses to do so, and I respect his right to choose such a thing for himself, but it is still a choice, and if we agree that Bruce's inaction during the confrontation would leave him at least partly responsible for the Joker's death, then we must also agree that his inaction in permanently preventing the Rogues from killing more people means he is also, partly, responsible for all of those deaths.

[helenwhiteart-blog]

Who I am, how I choose to live; an autistic reappraisal, one year in

Who I am, how I choose to live; an autistic reappraisal, one year in

As I reach the end of another year, my 54th so you would think my conclusions would be getting somewhat familiar by now, its interesting to note how much I really do feel I have rebooted my life and entered new territory in the past 12 months so there is actually nothing predictable about my end-of-year reappraisal at all. This is largely because I have fully, finally, accepted and integrated…

[infiniteorangethethird]

less "this story has no romance in it" and "this story has aspec characters in it", more "this story is about aromantic people and aromanticism" please and thank you

[itsabouttimex2]

man I NEED to hear what you think about Bakugo

Alright I dropped MHA (because of Mineta, Bakugo, and Aizawa, mostly), so I’m going with maybe half the series in mind, but I’ll try to compose my thoughts on this pretty quickly, going of my own watching and some general pop-culture osmosis.

Katsuki Bakugo’s very existence in the story of My Hero Academia breaks an extremely important core message that the show tries to send- “You should intervene in situations when wrongdoing is occuring, even if the victim is “good” (eg: stoic, strong, handling it well, Shouto being extremely composed and powerful, Bakugo being attacked by the slime monster, Eri holding herself together in spite of everything she’s gone through) or “bad” (eg: unattractive, poor, manic, Shigaraki being turned up by the old lady, Toga being forced suppress herself), because even trying and failing or just reaching will at least make an impact or offer a light in that dark tunnel (All Might selecting Izuku after he saves Bakugo, Shouto accepting the fire half of his Quirk after Deku reaches out to him)-

In other words, “Meddling when you don't need to is the essence of being a hero!”

So when MHA shows me this whole cast of children who are supposed to be “the next generation of heroes” and expect me to root for them, I can’t help but note that none of them ever try and stop the violent bully in their midst. They might disapprove or refuse to engage, but there’s never a moment that any of these “heroes-to-be” say “Hmm. Maybe if someone is threatening the life of my kindly classmate- especially in a form as immediate as unleashing literal explosions at him and needed to be physically restrained, I should intervene.”

They, and almost all of the faculty and staff, ignore this legitimately unhinged and violent child running amok, are not “true heroes” by the messaging and morals of the narrative itself, because they sit on their asses and allow a bully (and Mineta, the rat fuck) to do as he pleases- when a reaction does occur, it’s more along the lines of scolding/laughing at a toddler for cursing/throwing a fit than “holy shit, this kid is a violent threat to at least one of our other students, we need to intervene now”.

I don’t know, maybe this is addressed later in the series, maybe Horikoshi pulls some crazy shit to justify it, that could be what happens by the end.

I just couldn’t watch to that point, if it does exist.

TLDR: Katsuki Bakugo you will never be Cristopher Skyline

[agalychnisspranneusroseus]

Fanfics in which Marcy and Sasha idealize Anne as this angelic being filled with kindness and light are so sweet but also so funny. It's always abt how they feel like they don't deserve her because of all the harm they caused her but also. Lmao you can tell they weren't around Wartwood in S1. Anne was such a little piece of shit back then.

[liquidstar]

maybe im overthinking, but do you ever think abt how in episode 1, utena justifies wearing the boys uniform by saying its not against the rules? while this was clearly a "gotcha" moment against that stuffy teacher, i feel like it also shows how shes still functioning within the parameters of the ohtori system. like, yeah, shes being rebellious, but its a form of rebellion that isnt actually revolutionary- shes still following the rules propagating the structure built around the patriarchal prince, shes just doing it in the "opposite" way of whats expected, but shes not actually fighting it. though, of course, even this much deviance still tries to get corrected... its still not against the rules. i feel like from the beginning we're told aspiring to princedom isn't a noble goal, and that utena is still part of the system as long as she pursues it

[pratchettquotes]

Ponder rolled his eyes. These things always sounded fine when he worked them out in his head. He'd read some of the old books, and sit and think for ages, and a little theory would put itself together in his head in a row of little shiny blocks, and then when he let it out it'd run straight into the Faculty and one of them, one of them, would always ask some bloody stupid question which he couldn't quite answer at the moment. How could you ever make any progress against minds like that? If some god somewhere had said, "Let there be light," they'd be the ones to say things like, "Why? The darkness has always been good enough for us."

Terry Pratchett, The Last Continent

[future-crab]

I love the line, "They sell presentable, young and so ingestible, sterile and collectible, safe, and I can't stand it," SO much. It really gets at the heart of what so much of Danger Days is trying to say imo. And I especially love the sort of visceral note in the phrase "young and so ingestible" - like obviously the image of art and artist as something to be consumed has been around for ages and it doesn't have to evoke anything so literal as the audience wanting to physically eat the band, but it certainly calls that to mind for me, and the idea that the music industry (and capitalism more broadly) exists to facilitate and encourage that desire is just... chef's kiss.

[maxdurden]

adaine's family relationships are something i can actually be so incredibly normal about too btw

[ahalliance]

qsmp francophone cubitos and their dynamic drive me wild, they all know they’re mutually lying and obscuring the truth to one another, they all know they’re keeping each other at arm’s distance, they all know they’re not as open as they once were when it was just them and the aftermath of a plane crash, but the love is still there. the worry and the concern. they pry information out of one another in supposedly subtle ways that really just convey how much they still care about each other. what’s your stance on the federation. how’s your code arm doing. even if in the end you don’t turn to me, please call out to someone. maybe looking out for yourself is looking out for others as well. i don’t know you anymore but i will protect the unknown anyway

[piermanwalter]

Big props to Fromsoft for realising that if the most authoritarian character in Elden Ring was an epic badass who fights for their beliefs, there would be legions of the most annoying people possible crowing about how based they are, so instead they made Goldmask an ascetic pacifist with no combat abilities who died from doing too much math and upon resurrection as a candidate for the next shaper of reality, does nothing except stand naked and silent, then did so much math he died again.

[befuddled-calico-whump]

Riot Kings, page 154

prev next

[p2ii]

redemption arcs where instead of the character having to do through the arc with the person they wronged and have the end goal be forgiveness they go through the arc with a completely different character that has no involvement in the main conflict with the goal being self improvement>>>

[cienie-isengardu]

Khaos Reigns (2)

So far, my two biggest complaints about new Mortal Kombat storytelling is the lack of Tomas in Lin Kuei-focused  Khaos Reigns and lack of sensible logic behind characters’ choices. This is not really about how characters behave toward each other as this is rooted in the previous game, but how weak is the reasoning that pushes the story forward. Which sadly is how the whole attack on Kuai Liang’s wedding feels to me. We have Bi-Han’s lie 

Cyrax: I still cannot believe that Liu Kang capitulated to Outworld. That he agreed to break up our clan.

that has no backing up. A certain time has passed between MK1 and current story mode, right? So if Liu Kang capitulated to Outworld, then logically Outworld forces should showed up in Earthrealm or the Fire Lord would knock on their door to say sorry guys, no more Lin Kuei; something Lin Kuei would be first to know. Even more, since apparently Lin Kuei were asked to protect Earthrealm in dire need in the previous game, something they refused to do (as we were told by Tomas). Liu Kang capitulating to Outworld would be a political change hard to miss. So it is no wonder why Cyrax is not buying it, as this lie makes little sense.

(Personally I think it would be better if Lin Kuei were not “deceived” but simply wanted their independence and supported Bi-Han for this goal alone, while Sub-Zero letting his father die still works fine as the shocking revelation to cast a doubt in Cyrax’s mind.)

Then we have Sektor and Bi-Han acknowledging Cyrax suspecting their deception

but apparently this is not a concerning enough to, you know, not including her in the attack or not giving her the top-technologically advanced armor, if you can't be sure of her loyalty.

Bi-Han said they will be ready when Cyrax learns the truth but as the story goes, there are no backup plans for that scenario. Sub-Zero does not deny he lied or killed his father and I really wonder what he or Sektor expected to happen? Yeah, so much for being ready to deal with the problem they were aware of from the start.

Same with the stealth attack on the wedding. Lin Kuei warriors successfully got unnoticed inside Wu Shi place,

where the wedding was happening. And instead of some of those ninjas quietly opening one of the gates, Sektor was using her guns to destroy the main gate, losing the element of surprise.

A tactical surprise that she and Bi-Han wanted to use it to their advantage.

Not to mention Lin Kuei warriors had no problem with getting past the not-even-so-high walls so it is not like the main gate was so necessary for their army to get inside. Or if they have such great firepower, they should thrown some grenades over the walls or set bombs before frontal attacking. Just saying.

Okay, that could be just Lin Kuei arrogance or testing the armors in battle (something they could anytime anywhere), but one would think a clan that for ages was doing commando-like work for Liu Kang would get the stealth attack correctly. Especially since one of the first things Sektor told us on screen was that Lin Kuei were not trained for Tournaments but for war.

Cyrax is overall a fine character, but for me she lacks an edge the MK9’s male Cyrax had and thus feel, well, meek. The story shows her as a person with a strong moral sense, however Bi-Han literally said to her the mission is to attack Kuai Liang and his clan. Harumi chose to fight back so why is Cyrax so surprised that Lin Kuei warriors were ready to kill her? It’s not part of their missions, she said when attacking her own people to save Scorpion’s fiance/wife-to-be, but for me this shows how much Cyrax is just naive and detached from reality. The previous game showed us that Lin Kuei brothers are ruthless fighters (Bi-Han was ready to decapitate defeated Shang Tsung, Kuai Liang effectively killed his opponents with no hesitate), so Cyrax jumping to rescue a woman that killed her own comrades kinda made me wonder, why she is even that important to Sektor or Bi-Han to be involved with them so close? Like, there is little I can see that could interest Bi-Han or Sektor in her, as she is presented from the start as disrespectful toward her superior and mentor (Sektor) and way more idealistic than any of them is. Literally the first argument she has with Sektor and her criticism about ambush & sneak attack tactics feels a bit off, considering this is what Lin Kuei were doing even as the good guys, presumably for centuries and with full approval of Liu Kang (as was seen in previous game).

Sure, we could say Cyrax is new! She knows no better… but then storyline openly claims she and Kuai Liang knew each other before he left the clan and even were once friends, so it is not like Cyrax just joined the Lin Kuei. On one hand, I understand why NRS went with Cyrax’s personality in such a direction, on another, she feels so un-Lin Kuei, I have no idea why Sektor and Sub-Zero even bothered with her in the first place. Like... what was so special about Cyrax for the whole fuss about her from their perspective?

In all fairness, I’m also a bit confused how MK1 and Khaos Reigns follow the same storyline. In the previous game, Bi-Han was captured by Kuai Liang after the ill-fated mission and presumably imprisoned. Then somehow Lin Kuei was asked(?) to aid Liu Kang in the battle against the sorcerers

so how is that the news of Sub-Zero allying with Shang Tsung is still a secret to anyone  if Lin Kuei already made a decision to abbadon Earthrealm in need - story wise, after Bi-Han was defeated by Scorpion and captured? So I’m to believe Scorpion took compromised Sub-Zero to Lin Kuei headquarters like nothing happened, did not mention the whole allying with enemy, then left to honor tradition and dad and joined Liu Kang and some time later he is angry at Cyrax she believed in a not-well prepared lie? Is this me, or did NRS not connect all the dots together between the first game and the additional storyline and kinda every character took damage to intelligence so the story could go from point A to point B?

The relationship between certain characters is frustrating, I won’t lie about it. But I’m much more frustrated by how the logic and consequences of events feel either forced or make little sense. I do not except a brilliant, smart storytelling from a fighting game, but when characters that are supposed to be competent and/or trained for a specific job suddenly share one brain cell - and no one is using it at all - kills a great chunk of enthusiasm I had for Mortal Kombat.

I may not like my fav characters being robbed of their original complexity and yet still enjoying the fact they are part of the storyline. I do however take a great offense when story mode turns them into incompetent idiots just to push plot from point A to point B.

[wayti-blog]

It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows. - Epictetus